I have struggled with pain and a lot of pain. Pain for many many years....so long that it is a memory from my childhood :-) As I write this line, I see a little boy walk into the coffee shop, where I am sitting, with his father....this is coincidence :-)
As a child I thought pain is caused due to external factors. It comes from outside and it is cured from outside....by medicines or by physiotherapy/massage and more such things.
It is only now, when I reached the limit of medication, when psychedelic drugs had taken over my life, that i realised what a mess I was in. How foolish I was in giving control of my body, mind and emotions to these doctors, who were playing hit and trial with me and making my systems numb and unintelligent.
You might be curious to know about my pain. Well, I have migraine.....i wish some day I can confidently say that Í had migraine'. This was called headache in initial days, then took the form of muscular pains - trapezitis and then finally migraine, which is caused by every possible trigger in my case. Be it cold breeze, strong perfume, mood swing, poor ventilation, being empty stomach for long...you name it. Even when all these triggers were absent, I was taken over by Stress. I had apparently always something going on in my mind and my mind was never at rest.
So every other day I was in pain for some or the other reason and I had reached a stage where medication worked after a day, stayed for a day, and by the third day, I was in pain again. My face was always swollen and I did not enjoy doing anything.
The day I realised that I was dependent on the medicines prescribed by my Neurologist - anti anxiety, anti depressants and medicines to help me sleep...., I was shaken.
The moment I stopped these medicines, I was depressed. The only thing I did was drag myself to work everyday. I even stopped cooking so you can imagine my eating habits as I started eating outside all the time. I reached a stage when I had no motivation to even get out of bed, I had no reason to shower or eat or to make my room. My blood pressure shot up and things were starting t get more complex.
Well, I called my mother over to take basic care of me and my young daughter and I would just lie down in bed or sit alone, trying to understand what was happening to me and whether I wanted to live anymore.
Our bodies are wonderful machines. They heal themselves and have flawless alert mechanisms which tell us everything - when to stop eating, where we are going wrong, when to sleep, when to wake up....everything!!
And when we stop to listen to our body, we become ill, unhealthy, unhappy - basically imbalanced.
I realised as I had stopped listening to my body and become less and less aware of myself over the years, I had moved far away from me. I lost touch with myself.
The answer to my problems was within me and not outside. I was the healer and the killer. My best friend and my worst enemy :-)
I had the power to ruin or rejoice inside. I was not helpless but instead very powerful. It was a big eye opener. Instead of feeling dependent on the outside world, I knew I had a limitless world inside me, waiting to be acknowledged and loved and taken care of.
Upon this realisation, the first thing I started doing was to take care of myself - eat well, go on walks, exercise, surround myself with loved ones and family. This helped me get back on my feet but I knew there was much more to do.
Of all the things I experimented, the one that stays true to this day was understanding the healing power of the body. So eating limited, healthy and allowing the digestion process to rest (intermittent fasting for as long as I could ...anything from 12 to 16 hours).
And finally, meditation. The first chapter of the book Yoga Sutras by Yogi - Patanjali, is of 3 words: AND NOW YOGA. This is exactly how I say the word meditation. When you have tried everything possible and you feel there is still something missing - you conclude at Yoga.
My journey of inner transformation has started about 2 months ago and I can say that what started as a desperate search to get my health back, has culminated into a beautiful journey of finding myself.
If you have read this blog this far, then I wish you the best in your journey, whatever it may be :-)
As a child I thought pain is caused due to external factors. It comes from outside and it is cured from outside....by medicines or by physiotherapy/massage and more such things.
It is only now, when I reached the limit of medication, when psychedelic drugs had taken over my life, that i realised what a mess I was in. How foolish I was in giving control of my body, mind and emotions to these doctors, who were playing hit and trial with me and making my systems numb and unintelligent.
You might be curious to know about my pain. Well, I have migraine.....i wish some day I can confidently say that Í had migraine'. This was called headache in initial days, then took the form of muscular pains - trapezitis and then finally migraine, which is caused by every possible trigger in my case. Be it cold breeze, strong perfume, mood swing, poor ventilation, being empty stomach for long...you name it. Even when all these triggers were absent, I was taken over by Stress. I had apparently always something going on in my mind and my mind was never at rest.
So every other day I was in pain for some or the other reason and I had reached a stage where medication worked after a day, stayed for a day, and by the third day, I was in pain again. My face was always swollen and I did not enjoy doing anything.
The day I realised that I was dependent on the medicines prescribed by my Neurologist - anti anxiety, anti depressants and medicines to help me sleep...., I was shaken.
The moment I stopped these medicines, I was depressed. The only thing I did was drag myself to work everyday. I even stopped cooking so you can imagine my eating habits as I started eating outside all the time. I reached a stage when I had no motivation to even get out of bed, I had no reason to shower or eat or to make my room. My blood pressure shot up and things were starting t get more complex.
Well, I called my mother over to take basic care of me and my young daughter and I would just lie down in bed or sit alone, trying to understand what was happening to me and whether I wanted to live anymore.
Our bodies are wonderful machines. They heal themselves and have flawless alert mechanisms which tell us everything - when to stop eating, where we are going wrong, when to sleep, when to wake up....everything!!
And when we stop to listen to our body, we become ill, unhealthy, unhappy - basically imbalanced.
I realised as I had stopped listening to my body and become less and less aware of myself over the years, I had moved far away from me. I lost touch with myself.
The answer to my problems was within me and not outside. I was the healer and the killer. My best friend and my worst enemy :-)
I had the power to ruin or rejoice inside. I was not helpless but instead very powerful. It was a big eye opener. Instead of feeling dependent on the outside world, I knew I had a limitless world inside me, waiting to be acknowledged and loved and taken care of.
Upon this realisation, the first thing I started doing was to take care of myself - eat well, go on walks, exercise, surround myself with loved ones and family. This helped me get back on my feet but I knew there was much more to do.
Of all the things I experimented, the one that stays true to this day was understanding the healing power of the body. So eating limited, healthy and allowing the digestion process to rest (intermittent fasting for as long as I could ...anything from 12 to 16 hours).
And finally, meditation. The first chapter of the book Yoga Sutras by Yogi - Patanjali, is of 3 words: AND NOW YOGA. This is exactly how I say the word meditation. When you have tried everything possible and you feel there is still something missing - you conclude at Yoga.
My journey of inner transformation has started about 2 months ago and I can say that what started as a desperate search to get my health back, has culminated into a beautiful journey of finding myself.
If you have read this blog this far, then I wish you the best in your journey, whatever it may be :-)
